Willblogforlols's Blog

My cell phone, during better days.

It was love at first cell.

My new cell phone, fresh out of the box.

Smooth and shiny, with that new phone smell.

So shiny, I didn’t even want to touch it.

“No way, it’ll leave a smudge!”

I took care of my new cell phone like my own baby.

I’d wash my hands before each use.

I’d always hold it firmly so it wouldn’t drop.

I’d gently press the buttons.

I’d put it on vibrate when a date didn’t work out.

Everything was going so wonderful with my cell phone.

Until it happened.

The first drop.

Yikes.

It left a mark.

It was painful to see.

It changed my relationship with the phone.

Things were never the same.

I was still very careful with the phone.

But after a while, I started getting more careless.

Another drop here, another drop there.

Soon, I’d be eating BBQ ribs and take a call without even wiping my hands.

It just got to the point where I didn’t care anymore.

I’d toss it around with the kid down the street.

I’d throw it against the wall when the neighbor was being loud.

I’d be out late at night, seeing other cell phones, while my cell phone was pacing by the front door, wondering where I was.

I wouldn’t take its calls.

I wouldn’t remember anniversaries.

I wouldn’t even put it on vibrate.

There was one last drop.

It was a bad drop.

You could actually see its endoskeleton exposed.

The flip part got loose and I could barely hear anyone.

Or as other people call that, T-Mobile.

It was time to part ways with my cell phone and get a new one.

I decided to pay my respects by giving it a proper burial.

I said, “Cell phone…you were good to me from the very start, and I took you for granted. As a new electronic gadget, you were so exciting to have. But the thrill was gone after about two weeks, when I got a brand new iPod. I just want to say, cell phone…I’m sorry for the way I treated you. And I’ll always love you.”

“Can you hear me now?”

****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Soon to develop a cell phone that drops 99% less by not shaping it like a bar of soap.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.    

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com